That's intense
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
