told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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