ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance