dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
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Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
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our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.