Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.