I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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