When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
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when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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