I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
