Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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