apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
