My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
