5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
