his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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