Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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