Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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