Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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