Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
