**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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