There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
