it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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