tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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