I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
