How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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