hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
