you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
