Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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