So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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