Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
