I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
