I CAN MOONWALK!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
