the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
