If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
