wanna go halves on a baby?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize