It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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