He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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