what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
