im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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