i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
