maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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