I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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