Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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