let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
try to milk me bitch
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
