i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
