Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
