nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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