half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
