Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...

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(248): View more from Michigan

Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.

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(906): View more from Michigan

last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that

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(609): View more from New Jersey

i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt

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(615): View more from Tennessee

is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?

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(513): View more from Ohio

Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself

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