My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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