Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
