Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
time to smoke my breakfast
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
