reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
