hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
