I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
