Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
