His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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