who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
