RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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