my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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