Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
