what day is it and did you see me today?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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