Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
