if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
