i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
