saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Sober January is a disaster.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
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