so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
