Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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