Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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